Rule No. 1:
In the Middle East, it’s always the Arabs that attack first and Israel that defends itself. That’s called retaliation.

Rule No. 2:
Arabs, whether Palestinian or Lebanese, have absolutely no right to kill Israeli civilians. That’s called terrorism.

Rule No. 3:
Israel has every right to kill as many Arab civilians as it wants. That’s called legitimate self-defense.

Rule No. 4:
When Israel kills too many civilians, the Western powers didn’t urge for restraint. That’s called the reaction of the international community.

Rule No. 5:
Palestinians and Lebanese have no right to capture Israeli soldiers, even if their numbers are limited to three.

Rule No. 6:
Israelis have the right to capture as many Palestinians as they wish — over 10,000 prisoners as of today, of which 300 are children. Uttering the magic word, “terrorist,” is all that’s needed to throw Arabs behind bars without charges.

Rule No. 7:
When you say “Hizballah,” you should always add “supported by Syria and Iran.”

Rule No. 8:
When you say “Israel,” you should never add “supported by the United States and Europe” lest the conflict appear imbalanced.

Rule No. 9:
Never mention “occupied territories”, or “UN resolutions”, or “violations of international law”, or “the Geneva conventions”. That might perturb television viewers and lead them to ask questions.

Rule No. 10:
Israelis speak English better than Arabs. That is why we always give them — and their supporters — more air time. That way, they can explain Rules 1 through 9 to us. That’s called media objectivity.

Rule No. 11:
If you don’t agree with any of these rules, or if you think they favor one party over another, that’s because you’re a dangerous anti-Semite!

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